Monday, Sep 06th

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Singing Parrot

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing--- Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!

Parrot's Talk

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary." The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say. One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Pig Feeding

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.

The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"

The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

 

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