Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God almighty!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good" and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our lord and savior," but, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
"What did eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

Heavenly
The time has come for St. Peter's annual three-week vacation, and Jesus
volunteers to fill in for him at the Pearly Gates.

"It's no big deal," St. Peter explains.  "Sit at the registration desk,
and ask each person a little about his or her life.  Then send them on to
housekeeping to pick up their wings."

On the third day, Jesus looks up to see a bewildered old man standing in
front of him. 

"I'm a simple carpenter," says the man.   "And once I had a son.  He was
born in a very special way, and was unlike anyone else in this world.  He
went through a great transformation even though he had holes in his hands
and feet.  He was taken from me a long time ago, but his spirit lives on
forever.  All over the world people tell his story."

By this time, Jesus is standing with his arms outstretched.  There are
tears in his eyes, and he embraces the old man.

"Father," he cries out, "It's been so long!"

The old man squints, stares for a moment, and says,
"Pinocchio?"